My involvement with yunity and Kanthaus is a huge learning process for me. Since I got to know this group of people, I went through many phases of doing things and of being - happy, amazed, fulfilled, sad, angry,...
I want to herewith share some thoughts and experiences with you.
One of the main things that made me stay and work together with you guys was that you do what you want to see different. By this I mean what others might call work: actively and responsibly engaging with stuff to do. So first I was very motivated, inspired and also doing all the time! :-)
Until my being and my doing came a bit out of balance. I became a bit unhappy, unfulfilled, wanting and needing to do evermore. I realized that actively practicing being and taking time for this is also very important. By this I mean having relaxed talks, being in nature, not doing anything, coming to myself, meditating, not talking about stuff to do, ...
And in order to be happy - and I want to be happy - I need a balance.
Because of the way we live with this group of people, we are free to determine ourselves when we do stuff and when we don't; what we do and what we prioritize, without pressure from outside. As a group we enable each other to be doing useful stuff to make the world a better place and also live together - therefore also be together. Working and private life don't have a clear separation. This is a great privilege. And it is different to the norm of society and therefore not always easy.
Sometimes I tend to get the very unpleasant and disagreeable feeling of
"I haven't done enough. Maybe I am not contributing enough and others do work for me".
I ask myself what things still have to be done, what I should do, what others should do. And there is always stuff to do and no end to it. That's normal: we are idealists and if our utopia would be reality we would start dreaming new dreams.
Yet, it becomes problematic for me when I don't have the mental space to relax and be happy. When I am just trapped in this feeling of "having-to-work-but-not-knowing-when-it-is-enough-and-not-being-able-to-really-relax-and-be-happy"-restlessness. I can have it even when I am lying in a hammock ;-) ! Up to the point where I am constantly thinking about what there is to de but I don't find the energy do to it because I want to practice being right now. And then I neither am nor do I do... well that's not ideal.
I need and want a balance of doing and being. Finding and staying in the balance of these two therefore is my aim.
I want to be deeply fulfilled and happy. For this I need to feel like I am doing useful stuff and I need time to reflect, relax and enjoy. Celebrating needs to be as much part of a creative circle as dreaming, planning and doing as far as I know dragon dreaming ;-)
What could possibly help?
Let me be. And be happy that I am.
Support me in taking time out, relaxing, meditating, looking into the air, enjoying, doing nothing. Ask me if I can be enough, tell others to let me be, ask me how I feel, tell me that it's good, give me the feeling that I have done enough that it's good for now. Be positive about things. Chill out with me.
Let's celebrate being done.
And one more idea:
In order to try something out I might aim at doing 2-3 hours of care work (cleaning, tidying, cooking, looking out for someone) and 3-4 hours of work on projects a day. (Can also be care work of course ;-) ) And in the rest of the time consciously not do stuff but be.